As a manager, there will be plenty of professional situations where a collaborative approach is the most effective. However, there will also be situations where you need to take the lead and give direction. The way you communicate in these situations is important. 

If you’re too aggressive, then the person or people receiving your message may react badly. If you’re too passive, then your message won’t be clear and your instructions might not be followed.

When you’re assertive, you are direct and clear but also respectful. You appear confident which makes people feel confident in you as a leader and your message is more likely to be positively received.

Benefits of being assertiveness

Being assertive prevents people from taking advantage of you and can help you excel as a leader.

Gain self-confidence and improve self-esteem: The more you practice assertiveness, the easier it becomes and you’ll gain in confidence which can improve your self-esteem.

Understand and recognise your feelings: Practising assertiveness improves self-awareness. You’ll learn to recognise your emotions so you can regulate them and ensure they don’t cloud your judgement.  

Earn respect from others: Your team will respect you more if you demonstrate confidence as a leader, take control of difficult situations, and don’t let people push you around.

Improve communication: Aggressive communication can cause negative reactions, while passive communication can dilute the message. Assertive communication ensures your instructions and requests are clear and respectful.

Improve your decision-making skills: Assertiveness isn’t just about communication – it’s aboutmaking decisions and taking decisive action without overthinking or second-guessing yourself.

Create honest relationships: Learning to be more assertive can help you effectively express your feelings when communicating with others. This leads to more open and honest relationships between you and your colleagues.

Deal with conflict: Assertiveness is a great tool for dealing with difficult situations. You’ll find it easier to keep your emotions in check and articulate yourself more clearly and confidently.   

How to become more assertive

As with any skill, the best way to learn is through practice. If you struggle with assertiveness, start small. For example, try out your assertiveness on a partner or friend before tackling a difficult situation at work.

Assess your weakest areas

Start by deciding where you need to be more assertive. Do you voice your opinions in meetings or do you remain silent? Do you say yes to additional work even when you shouldn’t? Do people ignore your requests? Do you find it hard to deal with conflict? Perhaps you are too passive in certain situations.

Alternatively, are you too quick to judge or blame others? Are people afraid to talk to you? Are your requests met with negativity? Maybe your approach is too aggressive.

Understanding where you need to improve is the first step in becoming more assertive.

Practice saying no

Saying no to people can be tough, especially when it means letting somebody down or leaving them disappointed. However, giving people false hope or leaving people without an answer will only worsen the situation.

If the answer is no, say no. Be direct – you don’t have to explain your reasons, but sometimes you might feel it’s appropriate to do so. Saying no might feel hard but people are usually less disappointed or upset with a no than we think they’re going to be.

Prepare for difficult conversations

When you’re nervous about delivering bad news, it can be easy to muddle your words and say more than is necessary. This can confuse your message and leave the recipient frustrated.

If you have to have a difficult conversation with someone, rehearse what you want to say in advance. Say it out loud or write it out so you can practice with a script. You could even practice with a friend or family member to get feedback.

Use hypothetical situations to practice your assertiveness. Pick situations that are likely to come up in the future or use past situations that you felt went badly. The more you practice, the easier it will become.

Learn to manage your emotions

It can be difficult to keep emotions in check when we’re angry, frustrated, or dealing with confrontation or conflict.

Practice regulating your emotions in stressful situations. Common techniques include changing your environment or removing yourself from the situation, counting to ten and taking deep breaths, or countering a negative emotion by thinking about something that makes you happy.

Avoid sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying “You’re wrong,” try “I disagree” and then provide a reason (if relevant).

Try to remain calm and composed and keep your voice even. It’s ok to step away from a situation if the other person is being unreasonable.

Be aware of your body language

Even if you don’t feel confident, you can appear confident by focusing on your body language. Keep a good posture – don’t slump. Face the person you are speaking to and keep your facial expressions neutral or positive. 

How to make an assertive request

When you need a team member to do something and it’s non-negotiable, you need to deliver your request clearly and assertively. Here are some steps you can take to make sure your request is actioned.

Prepare: Think aboutwhat you need to say and how you can communicate your message clearly and concisely. Consider any objections or questions that might come up.

Don’t beat around the bush: Be direct in making the request – don’t talk around it or try to soften it. Make it clear what you are asking for so there can be no misinterpretation.  

Be concise: Instructions are more easy to remember if they areshort and specific. Don’t add unnecessary details or justifications to your request.

Confirm understanding: Confirm your request has been understood and encourage questions if further clarification is needed.

Use clear language: Use language your recipient will understand. Don’t use jargon, acronyms or terminology that they might not be familiar with – it might be part of your day-to-day vocabulary, but it might not be part of theirs.

Regulate your emotions: If you are feeling angry, frustrated or stressed, this may come across in the delivery of your message. Acknowledge your emotions beforehand so you can regulate them. If you are struggling to keep your emotions under control, you might want to delay the conversation (if possible).  

Review your delivery: Once you have made a request or delivered bad news, evaluate your performance. Were you clear? Was your tone of voice appropriate? How did the recipient respond? What could you have improved?

Assertiveness can take time, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you aren’t perfect straight away.

Developing Assertive Leaders

As a manager or leader, there’s always something new to learn or a skill you can improve and develop. Organisations need to support managers and leaders in this development, but you also need to invest in yourself.

Getting formal leadership and management training will not only help you build your leadership skills, it will also help you grow in confidence, and increase your chances of career progression.  

Alternative Partnership delivers ILM-accredited Leadership and Management training programmes to support you and your teams in gaining formal, nationally recognised qualifications.

Find out more about our current ILM courses here or get in touch to discuss how our services could benefit you.